The Sideline--The Official Chatroom Of The NFL

An even NEWER website

2009-09-06T22:35:00.000-07:00

That's right, we now have our OWN domain name, no more freewebs tyranny (besides our storage and hosting).

Go HERE for all new sidelines: http://www.thesidelinechatroom.com

New Season, New Layout, NEW SIDELINE

2008-08-01T23:42:00.000-07:00

Go here for the new sideline:

http://www.freewebs.com/triberocks4

-AKA

P.S. We'll try to update the blog too, but if that doesn't work out just defer to the (NEW) website in the future.

UPDATE: Blogspot is really not very html friendly, so it looks like we're going to rely on the website for our sidelines for the moment. Go look at it. No, seriously, it's a big upgrade over this.

GTA IV: Randy Moss In A Car

2008-05-01T20:52:00.000-07:00

There should be regulations on football players' extra-curricular activities. The "off field incidents" are making the sport a joke. What's next, T.O. taking a year off to make a rap CD? I fear for football. It's becoming way too much like the NBA. At least it makes a good story, though.

Let it be known that the day John Madden becomes a NASCAR announcer, my purpose in life will be complete.

-Ben

Photos link to player pages.

**Online Host** You have entered the New England Patriots off-season chatroom!

MossOMenos: man im sicka this i dont wanna wait until septembro to break my own record

MossOMenos: i cant stand guitar hero 3 anymore

MyFairBrady: hey hey randy watch this

MyFairBrady: /attempts to play “Through the Fire and Flames” on expert difficulty

MossOMenos: christ almighty hyphy ima need sumthin new to play

**Online Host** WilForkForWood has entered the room.

WilForkForWood: my turn to play just got back from EB games

WilForkForWood: /puts new CD into Xbox

MossOMenos: what in the name of my grandmas left nut is this crap

WilForkForWood: man havent you been payin attention, its grand theft auto 4 just came out

WilForkForWood: watch and learn

WilForkForWood: /approaches a pedestrian and pokes in the eye

MossOMenos: lemme in on this

MossOMenos: /grabs controller

MossOMenos: /drives like seven-year-old

MossOMenos: hey this is pretty fun

MossOMenos: /runs over police officer

MossOMenos: ima try this for a living

**Online Host** One month later…

MossOMenos: alright tony show me what ten million bucks an twenty strippers can do

AirlineStewartess: I’m ready Mr. Moss! Moss Motorsports is the best!

MossOMenos: call me randy or ima turn ya muffla into a spoila yadadamean

AirlineStewartess: Sorry Mr. Moss.

**Online Host** The race is about to begin!

CheckeredFlagGuy: 321go

AirlineStewartess: /accelerates

Madden09: Err, you take a left turn here…

Madden09: You take a left turn here…

Madden09: You take a left turn here…

Madden09: Hey, if you keep taking left turns, you’ll probably…

Madden09: You’ll probably…

Madden09: Be ok.

AirlineStewartess: Thanks, John.

**Online Host** AirlineStewartess has won the race!

MossOMenos: woohoo let’s celebrate

**Online Host** Moss Motorsports has been disqualified for spying on opposing drivers.

Get_In_Mah_Belichick: /hides periscope

MossOMenos: god damns coach i toldja boy ta stick that spyin shit outta tha way

Catch and Release

2008-04-05T07:34:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's the offseason, so I don't get around to doing many Sidelines. But this story was monumental. Chris Henry, after being a staple in so many of our chatrooms, was released from the Bengals this past week. One of our greatest sources of material has left the football field, and so we mourn. In this Sideline, we pay our final tribute to the troubled wide receiver.

-AKA

Photos link to player pages.

BengalsGM: /shuffles papers

BengalsGM: Mr. Henry, please come in.

**ONLINE HOST** OffFieldIncident has rolled into the chatroom in an enormous SUV with a 5 gallon bag of doritos.

BengalsGM: Mr. Henry, have a seat, I have some news for you.

OffFieldIncident: yo man I already gots a seat right here in da escalade

BengalsGM: /clears throat

BengalsGM: Well, all right. Mr. Henry, after careful deliberation…

OffFieldIncident: /munches loudly

BengalsGM: The Bengals have decided to let you go.

OffFieldIncident: .

OffFieldIncident: .

OffFieldIncident: WHA

OffFieldIncident: /burps

OffFieldIncident: yo man whaddafuck?!

OffFieldIncident: how can u DO this shit ta me

BengalsGM: Well, see Mr. Henry, the thing is

OffFieldIncident: i had 21 receptions last year man, i still gots mah fuckin antwaan randle handles

OffFieldIncident: there aint no problem ya dig

BengalsGM: Mr. Henry, you had more erections than receptions last year. That’s a problem.

OffFieldIncident: well ye o course, gods meat needs ta get cooked every once in a while

OffFieldIncident: it just needs tha right seasonin

BengalsGM: You have had over 10 different legal problems in the last 3 years.

BengalsGM: The Bengals have decided it is best for the organization to stop financing your battles with strip club poles, and focus on getting talent elsewhere.

BengalsGM: We're afraid you're actually going to shoot someone again.

OffFieldIncident: yo i gots mah rights to wave mah metal dick around wheneva da fuck i want

BengalsGM: Goodbye, Mr. Henry.

OffFieldIncident: fuck

**ONLINE HOST** You have entered the Bengals Locker Room.

OffFieldIncident: damn i wont even have no locker no more

OffFieldIncident: gotta fuckin clean it out befo they give it ta sum twinklefaced rookie wit his dick tucked up his ass

OffFieldIncident: /looks at locker

OffFieldIncident: ima need a goddamn u-haul truck fa this

OffFieldIncident: /opens locker

**ONLINE HOST** The entire artillery of a small African nation has collapsed out of the locker in a giant heap, along with a year’s supply of sun chips.

OffFieldIncident: ma babies

OffFieldIncident: /sniffs

OffFieldIncident: /wipes tear with AK-47

**ONLINE HOST** DudeYourCarsonFire has entered the chatroom.

DudeYourCarsonFire: hey chris you want to play catch and HOLY SHIT WHAT IS THAT STUFF

OffFieldIncident: naw dude its chill dont worry bout it

OffFieldIncident: im just packin up mah oozies is all

OffFieldIncident: im not gonna be chillin round these parts no more

DudeYourCarsonFire: er ok have fun playing gears of war with the laundry hamper

DudeYourCarsonFire: I’m going to go find housh and play an innocent game of hide-and-seek

DudeYourCarsonFire: just don’t shoot me

**ONLINE HOST** DudeYourCarsonFire has bolted from the chatroom.

OffFieldIncident: aights i gots ta leave mah mark here somehows

OffFieldIncident: /places 5 gallon sun chip bag on giant altar

OffFieldIncident: wait it needs some a that chris henry touch

OffFieldIncident: /urinates on it

OffFieldIncident: now its REALLY a sun chip

Pooper Bowl

2008-02-05T12:05:00.000-08:00

Well, another season draws to an end. Another season of hope and despair, where heroes were made and Terrell Owens was made fun of. Repeatedly. A season that was almost perfect, a season that was nowhere NEAR perfect, a season that brought a spying scandal, and a season that got our popcorn ready. It's been fun. This will probably be our last sideline for a while, unless some really crazy story gets our attention. I've never had so much fun making fun. And thank you, whoever you are that's reading this.

-AKA

P.S. Baseball season starts SOON, so if you want the same entertainment (and it's definitely just as funny), check out The Dugout, the original site that inspired us:
http://sports.aol.com/fanhouse/category/the-dugout/

Ok, I'm shutting up now.

Photos link to player pages. Seriously, click the photos. We swear they don't go to porn sites.

**ONLINE HOST** You have entered the Super Bowl XLIII chatroom.

OnTheStrahanNarrow: Grrrr

OnTheStrahanNarrow: /paws ground dangerously

MyFairBrady: ha you think you can sack me, think again

MyFairBrady: if it’s in your mental capacity to think twice

OsiOsiOsiOyOyOy: /paces

MossOMenos: ye youre better at sackin taters at the local quickie mart than gettin ta mr tom here

MossOMenos: we got all the defensive shit on ya and more video than john madden’s bret favre collection

Get_In_Mah_Belichick: /nervously stows periscope

Get_In_Mah_Belichick: Yep team, we should be ALL set. Got the walkthrough from this year right here.

**ONLINE HOST** Caveman has entered the room.

MossOMenos: wtf

Caveman: I INVENT WHEEL

Caveman: /carries MyFairBrady outside pocket on stone slab

MyFairBrady: /gets sacked 5 times

Get_In_Mah_Belichick: No worries, we still have our “gamefilm”.

MossOMenos: yee coach i aint in fear yet

MossOMenos: i aint no nervous quakin oatmeal fa nothin

MossOMenos: handy randy dont take no shit

Caveman: I WANT BUD LIGHT

**ONLINE HOST** Caveman has smashed the Patriots entire year’s worth of gamefilm with a rock.

Caveman: BLECH

Caveman: BOTTLE OPENER SUCK

**ONLINE HOST** Caveman has left the room.

Get_In_Mah_Belichick: Shit.

OnTheStrahanNarrow: /sacks repeatedly

FatPeopleTyreEasily: /makes insane one-handed catch off helmet

Get_In_Mah_Belichick: NO.

Get_In_Mah_Belichick: THIS IS MATHMATICALLY IMPOSSIBLE.

Get_In_Mah_Belichick: /runs shamefully into locker room

LittleWhitEli: hey guyth i think we won the thuper bowl!

PlaxSeedOil: Wooooooo!

LittleWhitEli: now i can buy my new kidth bop 13 and lithten to it for like the entire thummer

**ONLINE HOST** ETradeBaby has entered the room.

ETradeBaby: /pisses pants in amazement

SuperManning_dat_ho: HAH

SuperManning_dat_ho: NOW THAT IS WHAT I WOULD CALL A SUPER BOWEL

Given The Boot

2008-01-27T09:44:00.000-08:00

Boot means butt in German. I don't need to say more.

-AKA

Photos link to player pages.

**ONLINE HOST** You have entered the New England Patriots chatroom.

MyFairBrady: /limps

MossOMenos: hey tom ill race you

MossOMenos: I run fasta than Tank Williams from a crime scene.

MyFairBrady: No man not today, I have a protective boot on

MossOMenos: o like in mr deeds where the butler hits it witha trident o some shit

MossOMenos: ima try that

MyFairBrady: Nonono please dont!

MossOMenos: /jabs MyFairBrady with broken piece of spy-periscope

MyFairBrady: OW goddamit randy its just a foot injury, don't maul it with coach's instrument for godsakes

MyFairBrady: Jesus Christ

WilForkForWood: ooh ooh my turn

WilForkForWood: /sticks fingers into MyFairBrady’s helmet eyehole

MyFairBrady: WHAT THE HELL THAT WASN’T EVEN MY FOOT

WilForkForWood: sorry bub thats how the wilfork wagon rolls

Get_In_Mah_Belichick: Hey hey, hey, guys. What’s going on here.

Get_In_Mah_Belichick: Don’t hurt my Brady Baby now.

MyFairBrady: Naw don't worry about it, I...I'll be alright

MyFairBrady: /cries for Giselle Bundchen

Get_In_Mah_Belichick: What the hell are you doing anyway? We should be preparing for the Super Bowl.

MyMaroneyHasAFirstName: aight ill get tha CIA report on eli manning

MyMaroneyHasAFirstName: /grabs periscope

**ONLINE HOST** MyMaroneyHasAFirstName has left the room.

WasStallWorthIt: im going to chill around plaxico burress with dark sunglasses and a mysterious briefcase

**ONLINE HOST** WasStallWorthIt has left the room.

Get_In_Mah_Belichick: I’ll go convince the commissioner we aren’t up to anything suspicious.

**ONLINE HOST** You have entered the NFL Headquarters chatroom.

Commish_Is_Wise: /swigs Rolling Rock

Commish_Is_Wise: After review, the ruling on the field stands.

Commish_Is_Wise: /hiccups

Commish_Is_Wise: I am the official king of beer pong, WOOOO!

Commish_Is_Wise: You all should just bow down to me right now.

Commish_Is_Wise: /drinks Michelob

Get_In_Mah_Belichick: Haha right you are Mr. Commish. Care for a Miller Lite?

Get_In_Mah_Belichick: /pours

Commish_Is_Wise: ARE YOU KIDDING? I DON’T DRINK THAT SHIT.

Chicken Soup For The Giants Soul

2008-01-19T13:25:00.000-08:00

This makes me wonder what Eli Manning spoke like when he actually WAS 3 years old. The poor kid.

-AKA

Photos link to player pages. So seriously, click the photos if you don't get the screen name.

LittleWhitEli: hey id like to order thom thoup?

LittleWhitEli: /moves forward

/quickly places order

SoupNazi: NO SOUP FOR YOU

LittleWhitEli: what

SoupNazi: NO SOUP FOR YOU

LittleWhitEli: whyyyyyyyyy

SoupNazi: SOUP WARM

SoupNazi: GREEN BAY COLD

LittleWhitEli: …tho what?

SoupNazi: SOUP NAZI IS PACKERS FAN

LittleWhitEli: aww

SoupNazi: NO SOUP FOR YOU

LittleWhitEli: waaaaah

LittleWhitEli: /cries

**ONLINE HOST** AgeBeFavreBeauty has entered the room.

AgeBeFavreBeauty: Hey diddlysnap soup nazi feller, whatcher got fer an ol achin man like me today

SoupNazi: Well fancy that sir, you dropping in today

SoupNazi: Special soups for a special Favre

SoupNazi: We got hot ‘n spicy mulligatawny, french onion, and the bone marrow from Michael Strahan.

AgeBeFavreBeauty: Howsabout one a each, yer multiethnic whippersnapper

SoupNazi: Coming right up!

SoupNazi: /serves AgeBeFavreBeauty with pleasure

**ONLINE HOST** OffFieldIncident has lurched into the room.

OffFieldIncident: hey check it i just took 5 pounds a Viagra and 12 shots a natty ice so I can be horny and drunk at the same time

OffFieldIncident: if i bang any ugly chicks, i wont even remember it

SoupNazi: NO DROOP FOR YOU

Cowboy Up

2008-01-18T09:50:00.000-08:00

Terrell Owens has more emotion than any opera singer I've ever seen.

-AKA

Photos link to player pages.

NOTE: this means that if you don't know what a screen name means, click the player's photo!!! It takes you to a page with their name and stats on it, so you can get the joke and not look like a retard in front of your football friends.

**ONLINE HOST** You have entered the Dallas Cowboys Press Conference chatroom.

Media: Mr. Romo! Mr. Romo! Is it true you suck?

RomoSapien: NO!

Media: Mr. Romo! Mr. Romo! Doesn’t your name rhyme with homo?

RomoSapien: well yes but

Media: So therefore don’t you suck…cock?

RomoSapien: only jessica simpson's

RomoSapien: er

RomoSapien: ANYWAY, lets give a big hand to my main man all this season, Terrell Owens!

**ONLINE HOST** WordUpTO_me has entered the room.

WordUpTO_me: hey all yall crackalakin playa beatin newspaper honkle-donks

WordUpTO_me: TO’s just so

WordUpTO_me: so

WordUpTO_me: aw dammit man hes just so overcome

WordUpTO_me: /sobs

RomoSapien: its all my fault

RomoSapien: i threw the ball every play and went out with a stupid blonde chick

RomoSapien: im such a dumbass

WordUpTO_me: /blows nose

RomoSapien: /blows game

WordUpTO_me: this just aint fair man

WordUpTO_me: we worked harder than pacman jones in a strip club and now
lookit here

WordUpTO_me: we had nothin ta fear

WordUpTO_me: but the giants kick us in the rear

WordUpTO_me: were fuckin worse than any tampa bay buccaneer

RomoSapien: i should just look forward to next season and all the tidings of great joy it should bring us

RomoSapien: at least this was better than 2006

**ONLINE HOST** You have entered the 2006 Dallas Cowboys chatroom.

Parcell_Post: GODDAMMIT TERRELL STOP FLAUNTING YOUR JUNK AND CATCH THE DAMN BALL

Parcell_Post: MY GRANDMA RUNS BETTER ROUTES THAN YOU AND SHES LYING IN A COFFIN IN KENTUCKY

RomoSapien: er coach?

RomoSapien: /fumbles extra point

Parcell_Post: There, there, Tony, it’s ok, it’s ok. You want candy?

WordUpTO_me: i want candy

Parcell_Post: I WASN'T ASKING YOU

Parcell_Post: Tony, you need anything special, you let me know.

RomoSapien: no coach seriously, im fine

RomoSapien: /continuously throws interceptions

WordUpTO_me: hey coach i want

Parcell_Post: TERRELL STOP MAKING ME LOOK LIKE A CONSTIPATED WEASEL.

Parcell_Post: GO ABUSE A POM POM OR SOMETHING

Snow Globe

2008-01-13T14:03:00.000-08:00

I wish Miami got snow every once in a while. We'd get to see Ted Ginn kick up about 20 pounds of snow just trying to get traction on a kick return. Unfortunately, they're guaranteed to not play in January for about the next 80 years.

-AKA

Photos link to player pages.

**ONLINE HOST** You have entered the Packers vs. Seahawks chatroom.

AgeBeFavreBeauty: hey whippersnappers lookie here

AgeBeFavreBeauty: weve got ourselves a good ol snow bowl

Taken4Grant_ed: yaaaay

Taken4Grant_ed: /frolicks

Taken4Grant_ed: /freezes into packer popsicle

AgeBeFavreBeauty: heh heh heh, yer slimy seahawks are in a whole world of white pain, aren’t yer

CapitalOne_NoHasselCard: ITS NOT RAINING

CapitalOne_NoHasselCard: WHY IS IT NOT RAINING LIKE IT ALWAYS DOES IN SEATTLE

CapitalOne_NoHasselCard: /has allergic reaction to snow on bald spot

CapitalOne_NoHasselCard: son of a starbucks, youll pay for this

AgeBeFavreBeauty: oh no we wont, and I say that honestly like good ol mr Abe Lincoln

AgeBeFavreBeauty: who incidentally was in my high school yearbook

AgeBeFavreBeauty: the class before me if i remember correctly

Designated_Driver: hey bret hit me i’m open!

AgeBeFavreBeauty: /pelts Designated_Driver with snowball

AgeBeFavreBeauty: /accurately

AgeBeFavreBeauty: aw screw yer donald, i’m hittin greg jennings today, yer knew that

Next_Jen: /catches 2 touchdowns

AlexanderTheNotSoGreat: /moans on ground

**ONLINE HOST** TDPartaaayyy has entered the room.

TDPartaaayyy: hey why aint i in on all this celebration

TDPartaaayyy: /attempts lambeau-style leap

TDPartaaayyy: aw shit

**ONLINE HOST** You have entered the Colts vs. Chargers chatroom.

DaiNiaNewOffensiveCoordinator: /flips down visor

SuperManning_dat_ho: WHERED HE GO

Awards Ceremony

2008-01-10T14:32:00.000-08:00

Sorry about not getting any sidelines up in the past week or so, life is getting slightly busier for me. Don't worry, you'll still get your dose of football satire and you'll still get to see Peyton Manning fall down a flight of stairs in a one-story building. Well, hopefully you will.

-AKA

Photos link to player pages.

Commish_Is_Wise: Ladies, gentlemen, and minions from ESPN Monday night football.

Commish_Is_Wise: I am here to present the season awards for the NFL.

Commish_Is_Wise: /pours Budweiser

Commish_Is_Wise: First, I would like to give the award for Offensive Player of the Year to…

Commish_Is_Wise: TOM BRADY, come on down!

**ONLINE HOST** MyFairBrady has entered the room.

MyFairBrady: Thank you thank you, I never saw this award coming

MyFairBrady: I can promise you this is a great honor and prestige, and I will treat it as such

MyFairBrady: /blows extra money on 50 corvettes and a victoria’s secret catalogue

**ONLINE HOST** MyFairBrady has left the room.

Commish_Is_Wise: Wonderful, wonderful.

Commish_Is_Wise: /chugs dos equis

Commish_Is_Wise: Next, I would like to award the NFL MVP to…

Commish_Is_Wise: Man, the suspense is killing me.

Commish_Is_Wise: /drinks bud light

Commish_Is_Wise: TOM BRADY

**ONLINE HOST** MyFairBrady has entered the room.

MyFairBrady: Thank you thank you, what a wonderful surprise!

AgeBeFavreBeauty: aw blisterin barnicles

MyFairBrady: I’d like to thank my wonderful wife, Giselle, for staying here and supporting me through all my hardship in this 16-0 season.

MyFairBrady: Life can be hard when you’re brutally mutilating opponents.

Cumming_in_Bundchens: thanks sweetie-punkin!

Cumming_in_Bundchens: /has baby

MossOMenos: hey man dont u dare fuggetabout this supportin cast

MossOMenos: /flaunts do rag

**ONLINE HOST** MyFairBrady has left the room.

Commish_Is_Wise: And now it comes time for me to present the last award for the day

Commish_Is_Wise: The winner of the NFL Defensive Rookie of the Year is…

Commish_Is_Wise: PATRICK WILLIS

**ONLINE HOST** MyFairBrady has entered the room.

MyFairBrady: Thank you thank you! I never saw it coming. I’m flattered.

MyFairBrady: It was a whole team effort.

MyFairBrady: Wait what

**ONLINE HOST** WhatchuTacklinBoutWillis has entered the room.

Commish_Is_Wise: Get your watery Miller Lite ass outta here Mr. Brady.

MyFairBrady: /hurls used periscope and battered spy papers against wall in disgust

**ONLINE HOST** MyFairBrady has been booted from the room.

WhatchuTacklinBoutWillis: you know what, it took hard work and determination, and Im glad I won this award

WhatchuTacklinBoutWillis: no bullshit, I made solid tackles—174 of them, and I got some sacks and forced a few fumbles

WhatchuTacklinBoutWillis: but my team still sucks the collective derriere of the patriots, we need serious help

**ONLINE HOST** Qwik_e_Martz has entered the room.

Qwik_e_Martz: WHOOPEE

Qwik_e_Martz: Have no fear, Magic Martz is here!

Qwik_e_Martz: /waves magic Rams playbook from 1999

Qwik_e_Martz: You used to have a scoff-ense, now you have…?

WhatchuTacklinBoutWillis: …an offense?

NolanKnowsTheTroubleIveSeen: Haha what a joker, this guy is brilliant.

WhatchuTacklinBoutWillis: uh no "offense" but that joke was worse than a miami dolphins team meeting

WhatchuTacklinBoutWillis: without cheerleaders

"Pick"- Your Poison

2008-01-02T10:14:00.000-08:00

Regardless of the draft order, the Patriots have the 7th pick, and therefore have mathematically clinched a playoff spot for the next 13 years.

-AKA

Photos link to player pages.

**ONLINE HOST** You have entered the NFL Headquarters chatroom.

Commish_Is_Wise: My fellow NFL owners, moneymakers, and Hispanic janitors, I have an important announcement to make.

Commish_Is_Wise: /swigs michelob light

Commish_Is_Wise: Because the Chiefs, Falcons, and Raiders all equally suck, and because I’m too drunk off my ass to devise a better system,

Commish_Is_Wise: We are going to coin flip for the 3rd draft spot.

Commish_Is_Wise: /slaps table enthusiastically

Commish_Is_Wise: /resumes drinking

ManReferee: Will the team captains from each team please come forward for the coin flip.

**ONLINE HOST** LarryTheStableGuy has entered the room.
**ONLINE HOST** DeAngelODeath has entered the room.

ManReferee: …

ManReferee: We still need a representative from the Raiders.

ManReferee: I may be forced to call a delay of game here if

**ONLINE HOST** MyChemicalRomanowski has crashed into the room, pulling the burning wreckage of 20 battered brick walls behind him.

MyChemicalRomanowski: GROAAR

MyChemicalRomanowski: I AM HERE TO DEVOUR YOUR DRAFT PICKS

MyChemicalRomanowski: THEN WASTE THEM ON BACKUP OFFENSIVE LINEMEN FASTER THAN TERRY BRADSHAW CAN BULLSHIT ON NATIONAL TV

LarryTheStableGuy: blech i should have known Al Davis would send us another loony

DeAngelODeath: ye can we just get on with this?

DeAngelODeath: i have an important interception to drop, so lets hurry this shit up

ManReferee: Ok guys, I want a nice fair flip here, so shake hands guys.

LarryTheStableGuy: /shakes

DeAngelODeath: /shakes

MyChemicalRomanowski: /pummels aggressively

ManReferee: Close enough.

ManReferee: There are two sides to this coin: The helmet is heads, and the NFL logo is tails.

ManReferee: Call it in the air.

ManReferee: /flips coin

DeAngelODeath: heads

LarryTheStableGuy: tails

MyChemicalRomanowski: HUNGRY

**ONLINE HOST** MyChemicalRomanowski has gained administrative privileges.
**ONLINE HOST** MyChemicalRomanowski has molded the coin into the shape of a syringe.

ManReferee: Er, “hungry” is not a valid side of a coin.

MyChemicalRomanowski: /injects

MyChemicalRomanowski: YOUR FACE IS NOT A VALID SIDE OF A COIN

MyChemicalRomanowski: /swats ManReferee to remote African village

Commish_Is_Wise: I think we have our winner!

Commish_Is_Wise: /makes “incomplete” signal by waving arms spontaneously

Commish_Is_Wise: Now THAT’S what I call a genuine draft.

Law And Order: SUV

2007-12-28T11:54:00.000-08:00

We haven't received many responses on the web-designing front yet, but we'll be nice to you and give you a sideline today anyway.

-AKA

Photos link to player pages.

**ONLINE HOST** You have entered the enormous SUV chatroom.

OffFieldIncident: /cruises

OffFieldIncident: ey chris u ready fa this next strip club

OffFieldIncident2: Hell yea

OffFieldIncident: u just cant go wrong with a strip club called the Stinking Sombrero

OffFieldIncident: /munches dorito

**ONLINE HOST** Silence has taken over the room for two hours.

OffFieldIncident2: are we there yet

OffFieldIncident: no

OffFieldIncident2: are we there yet

OffFieldIncident: no

OffFieldIncident2: are we there yet

OffFieldIncident: …

OffFieldIncident2: are we there yet

OffFieldIncident2: are we there yet

OffFieldIncident2: are we there yet

OffFieldIncident: SHUT THE HELL UP OR THIS DORITO GOES UP YA ASSHOLE

OffFieldIncident2: ok ok ok damn dude dont go oj simpson on me here

**ONLINE HOST** Silence...

OffFieldIncident2: …

OffFieldIncident: …

OffFieldIncident2: …

OffFieldIncident2: are we there yet

OffFieldIncident: /slowly cocks gun borrowed from tank johnson

OffFieldIncident2: EEK

**ONLINE HOST** HighwayCop has entered the chatroom.

HighwayCop: Is there a problem, gentlemen?

OffFieldIncident: no see we was just eatin our munchies here

OffFieldIncident2: yeah just some love between offensive studs

OffFieldIncident2: we were uh

OffFieldIncident2: partying over the end of my 4 game steroid suspension

OffFieldIncident: yeah we was actually on tha way to look at tha uh

OffFieldIncident: local immigrant situation, yadadamean

OffFieldIncident2: Woot for the Stinking Sombrero

HighwayCop: Well I heard screaming, and I have to keep the peace.

HighwayCop: /charges stun-gun

OffFieldIncident: DON’T TASE ME BRO

The NFL Days Of Christmas

2007-12-25T11:02:00.000-08:00

We need a web designer for Christmas. Preferably someone who can stick all our chats into a fake AIM box for added realism, and also someone who thinks tables are not only for sticking our large dinners on but also some part of HTML. Email us at NFLSideline@gmail.com if you can help. Merry Christmas.

-AKA

Photos link to player pages.

SuperManning_Dat_Ho: HEY THERE ALL YE MERRY EGGNOGERS AND REINDEER BEATERS

SuperManning_Dat_Ho: THIS IS PEY

SuperManning_Dat_Ho: PEYTON HERE WITH ANOTHER HOLIDAY CHEERING MUSICAL EXTRAVAGANZA FOR YOUR LISTENING MECHANISMS

SuperManning_Dat_Ho: AHEM

SuperManning_Dat_Ho: ON THE TWELFTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE GAVE TO ME

IllPlummerDepths: 12 Plummers plumming

SilenceOfTheCam: 11 Dolphins griping

Psycho_Ward: 10 Wards a Reaping

MyFairBrady: 9 Bradys Prancing

WordUpTO_me: 8 ankles wiltin

MossOMenos: 7 Patriots winnin

OffFieldIncident: 6 strip club shootins

Get_In_Mah_Belichick: 5 Super Bowl Riiiiiinggggggsss

LittleWhiteLi: 4 fat turds on my o-line

HenryTheHorse: 3 french hookers

RomoSapien: 2 hot boobs i luuuuuv

RomoSapien: /finally throws touchdown

Parcell_Post: And a Parcelllls in a front office seeeeeaaaaaaat

Parcell_Post: /yells at Terrell Owens anyway

SuperManning_Dat_Ho: HAPPY HOLIDAY SPIRIT EVERYBODY

The Good, The Bad, And The Fuckin Annoying Blondes

2007-12-21T07:38:00.000-08:00

Yes, we all saw this one coming. Say "platymapus" three times fast.

-AKA

Photos link to player pages.

JessicaSkimpy_son: WOO WOO I love you guys, Cowboys!

JessicaSkimpy_son: Especially that hunk tony romo, the frickin sexiest bf in the world!

LadyCheerleader: hey hey lady, whats going on here

JessicaSkimpy_son: Just cheering on my team and its adorable qb!

JessicaSkimpy_son: /flips hair

LadyCheerleader: well miss, I’m awfully sorry to break it to you, but it’s my job to cheer for the cowboys

LadyCheerleader: let me show you how it’s done

LadyCheerleader: /pom-pom dance

JessicaSkimpy_son: That’s nothing, ma’am. Go home and shove that pom-pom up your butt. This is Jessica Simpson territory.

JessicaSkimpy_son: This is how you’re SUPPOSED to do it.

JessicaSkimpy_son: /accentuates blondeness

JessicaSkimpy_son: /believes Wal-mart actually sells walls

JessicaSkimpy_son: /believes K-mart actually sells the letter “K”

LadyCheerleader: god almighty hide my over-makeuped eyes

**ONLINE HOST** WordUpTO_me has entered the room.

WordUpTO_me: exceeeeeuse me ladies, but yall dont know how its done in these parts

**ONLINE HOST** WordUpTO_me wants to directly connect.

**ONLINE HOST** WordUpTO_me has directly connected.

WordUpTO_me:

JessicaSkimpy_son: Thaat was uggggllyyyy lameo

JessicaSkimpy_son: Liek worse than rooming with paris hilton

JessicaSkimpy_son: At least she had booze when she decided to celebrate something

WordUpTO_me: well fine ladies, if you dont want the TO show to blo ya hizzle to the flo, i can peddle my wares elsewheres

**ONLINE HOST** RomoSapien has entered the room.

WordUpTO_me: o hey tony

RomoSapien: hey TO

RomoSapien: /spots JessicaSkimpy_son

RomoSapien: hey there loviedoviewuvie etc.

RomoSapien: /touchdown pass

JessicaSkimpy_son: hey oodledoodlebuddlebumpkin etc.

RomoSapien: come closer, let me do what nick lachey never did

RomoSapien: /fondle

WordUpTO_me: o lord this is gonna be worse than the time john madden found brett favre walkin on an empty street

WordUpTO_me: that was a sack if i ever seen one

RomoSapien: /has worst statistical game of career

JessicaSkimpy_son: hee hee i was “in this skin” if you know what i mean

WordUpTO_me: WTF bitch u fucked up tony

WordUpTO_me: now who is gonna throw me my 4 weekly td passes

RomoSapien: /dazed and confused

JessicaSkimpy_son: Go screw yourself Terrell; you’re no match for my super-blonde powers!

JessicaSkimpy_son: /confuses chicken of the sea with actual chicken

WordUpTO_me: aw shit i betta haul ass

WordUpTO_me: to the brat-mobile!

**ONLINE HOST** WordUpTO_me has left the room.

The Thrilling Conquest Of Brett Favre

2007-12-18T19:54:00.000-08:00

Without Brett Favre, John Madden would most likely be a straight man. And I'd be out of half my jokes.

-AKA

Photos link to player pages.

**ONLINE HOST** You have entered the Green Bay Packers chatroom.

AgeBeFarveBeauty: Ok children, who wants to hear a story from the old days?!

Taken4Grant_ed: Ooh ooh I do I do!

SexuAl_Harrisment: i want one!

Bubbalicious: BUBBA FRANKS

AgeBeFarveBeauty: Er sonny, does that mean yes?

Bubbalicious: BUBBA FRANKS

AgeBeFarveBeauty: I’ll take that as an “ok”

Bubbalicious: BUBBAAAAA

AgeBeFarveBeauty: Shut your piehole, I’m going to tell a story

AgeBeFarveBeauty: Donald, fetch me my dentures

Designated_Driver: /heaves vinegary substance vaguely resembling teeth

AgeBeFarveBeauty: /tweaks shoulder

AgeBeFarveBeauty: /plays anyway

AgeBeFarveBeauty: So I was once a young whippersnapper…

Taken4Grant_ed: What, like when jesus was in third grade?

AgeBeFarveBeauty: No interruptions!

AgeBeFarveBeauty: Damn you young kids with your disco music and war protest songs, always interrupting us disciplined old folks

AgeBeFarveBeauty: So anyways, I was a youngun…

**ONLINE HOST** You have entered circa 20000 B.C.

LandBeFarveTime: I was a fit young man with no injury problems

LandBeFarveTime: I was the strongest warrior in the viliage, I could bench press a 3000 pound woolly mammoth

SexuAl_Harrisment: lol so basically you hoisted warren sapp every day

AgeBeFarveBeauty: Shut it!

LandBeFarveTime: But there was trouble brewing…

**ONLINE HOST** MyChemicalRomanowski has crashed into the room.

MyChemicalRomanowski: GROOOOOOAAAR

MyChemicalRomanowski: I DEMAND A SACRIFICE

MyChemicalRomanowski: THREE OF YOUR PLUMPEST RAMS

Pacemaker: weak sauce

MyChemicalRomanowski: TWO CHOICEST MAIDENS, AND

MyChemicalRomanowski: AW SCREW ALL THE BIBLICAL SHIT

MyChemicalRomanowski: JUST GIMME A HEAD COACH

Bardi_Favors: eek someone save me

Bardi_Favors: /wins championship

LandBeFarveTime: Something had to be done, and I was just the man to do it

LandBeFarveTime: I could, after all, lift john madden after a buffet dinner

**ONLINE HOST** Madden08 has entered the room.

Madden08: You see, if you eat a large buffet dinner, you're probably

Madden08: probably

Madden08: going to gain some weight.

**ONLINE HOST** Madden08 has left the room.

AgeBeFavreBeauty: NOT the time John.

LandBeFarveTime: Anyway, I girded up my loins and hurried up my offense

MyChemicalRomanowski: IM WAITING

MyChemicalRomanowski: /munches steroids

LandBeFarveTime: Ok Mr. Romanowski, here’s your peace offering

LandBeFarveTime: /heaves loaded syringe

MyChemicalRomanowski: /anally injects

MyChemicalRomanowski: AHH THATS THE STUFF

LandBeFarveTime: Haha jokes on you, Mr. Romanowski

LandBeFarveTime: That syringe was loaded with Botox

LandBeFarveTime: I took it from some poor soul in Cleveland

**ONLINE HOST** RomeoWhereArtWinsRomeo has entered the room.

RomeoWhereArtWinsRomeo: Goddammit where are my cheek fatteners

**ONLINE HOST** RomeoWhereArtWinsRomeo has left the room.

MyChemicalRomanowski: /swells buttocks

MyChemicalRomanowski: CHRIST ALMIGHTY I LOOK LIKE J-LO

**ONLINE HOST** MyChemicalRomanowski has embarrassingly tiptoed out of the room.

AgeBeFarveBeauty: And so you have it, I saved the world from a terrible beast, and we went on to win the Super Bowl in 1996.

AgeBeFarveBeauty: Any comments?

**ONLINE HOST** Dead silence has filled the room.

Bubbalicious: BEWARE THA BUBBA TRUBBA

Top "Bill-ing"

2007-12-15T19:01:00.000-08:00

I think Dick Jauron deserves a little more honor than having a screen name with the word "Dick" in it.

-AKA

Photos link to player pages.

**ONLINE HOST** You have entered the Cleveland Browns chatroom.

RomeoWhereArtWinsRomeo: Well, I don’t know how the hell we did it, but we control our own playoff hopes

RomeoWhereArtWinsRomeo: Despite our best efforts, all we have to do is win our next two games and we’re in.

DerekTV: Wooot

DerekTV: when we make the playoffs, im gonna throw a huuuge party

DerekTV: maybe ill rent out a cruise ship like the Vikings did and bang one of chris henrys strippers

**ONLINE HOST** OffFieldIncident has entered the room.

OffFieldIncident: man fuck bein 5-9

OffFieldIncident: we lost ta the fuckin niners

OffFieldIncident: thats like gettin pansyass whooped by hanna montana inna armwrestlin contest

OffFieldIncident: I give up at life

**ONLINE HOST** OffFieldIncident has left the room.

RomeoWhereArtWinsRomeo: I’d personally like to give a shoutout to one of our most focused players this year, Mr. Jamal Lewis.

IfJaIsNeedin2ShopGoToJamal: /rumbles

IfJaIsNeedin2ShopGoToJamal: /drags 16 defenders 43-yards into endzone

HornyDonkeysBrayLonger: we got this shit in the bag

HornyDonkeysBrayLonger: we play the mofuckin buffalo bills this week

HornyDonkeysBrayLonger: i mean seriously

HornyDonkeysBrayLonger: at least you can get 4 quarters out of a DOLLAR bill

**ONLINE HOST** You have entered the Buffalo Bills chatroom.

1NightInParrish: not cool man

1NightInParrish: ill play hard for 10 million bucks

1NightInParrish: even though our fan base is just a couple a native americans eating kfc that yell random slurs we cant understand

EvansToBetsy: lol so true

EvansToBetsy: our main news source is fuckin called Buffalo Rumblings

IThinkJauronToSomething: SHUT YOUR TRAP AND WORK

IThinkJauronToSomething: WE HAVEN'T COME THIS CLOSE TO THE PLAYOFFS FOR NOTHING

1NightInParrish: yes master

IThinkJauronToSomething: /whips 1NightInParrish into shape

/remembers glory days with Bears

Hannukah Cheer

2007-12-12T14:34:00.001-08:00

Happy Hannukah to all you jews!

-Ben

Photos link to player pages.

SageAdvice: man you guys hannukah stinks this year

SageAdvice: the only good present i got was a few weeks of playing time

FiedlerOnTheRoof: I know what you mean man

FiedlerOnTheRoof: /sits on bench

TheMillersDaughter: cheer up dood, it was the last day of hannukah, lets light
the menorah

SageAdvice: i dont wanna

FiedlerOnTheRoof: deal with it or this candle-bag gets shoved up your tuchus

**ONLINE HOST** Manning_schewitz has entered the room.

Manning_schewitz: HEY GUYS THIS IS RABBI PEY

Manning_schewitz: PEYTON

OlshanAvenue: coooool

Manning_schewitz: WE ARE BACK WITH OUR HOLIDAY CHEER ALBUM OF MUSICAL ABILITIES

Manning_schewitz: I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF INVITING ALL OF MY HEBREW NATIONAL HOT DOGS

Manning_schewitz: I MEAN FRIENDS

Manning_schewitz: SO GET SOME READINESS IN YOURE HEART FOR JEWISH CAROLING

Manning_schewitz: 1, 2, 3, GO

FiedlerOnTheRoof: Ohhhh dreidel dreidel dreidel

FiedlerOnTheRoof: I made it out of clay

GeriALtric: and when itzzz dry and readyzzz

GeriALtric: /nods off to sleep

SageAdvice: oh dreidel i shall PLAY

Manning_schewitz: OY VEY

TheMillersDaughter: My “dreidel’s” always playful

TheMillersDaughter: It loves to dance and spin

OlshanAvenue: and when it gets all tired

OlshanAvenue: it drops and then

MyFairBrady: We WIN

GarayPointAverage: oh dreidel dreidel dreidel

GarayPointAverage: i made you out of clay

LennieFriedman: and when its dry and ready

Psycho_Ward: oh dreidel i shall pray

**ONLINE HOST** Dead silence.

Reefer_Rick: smoke that marijuanica bro

Manning_schewitz: FOR THE UNOFFICIAL RECORD

Manning_schewitz: DREIDELS ARE NOT PLAYFUL

MikeRosenthal: aw fuck it latkes for everyone

SageAdvice: man this is the best holiday ever

SageAdvice: i can’t even wait for Passover

**ONLINE HOST** WordUpTO_Me has entered the room.

WordUpTO_Me: getcha firstborn ready

You're gonna like the way you suck, I guarantee it

2007-12-10T08:01:00.001-08:00

I think I'm completely justified in rooting for the Browns now.

-AKA

Photos link to player pages.

**ONLINE HOST** You have entered the Pittsburgh Steelers chatroom.

WallsComeTomlinDown: Ok team, we play the Patriots this week

WallsComeTomlinDown: You know what that means…

Pol_dancer: we finally get a look at Bill Belichicks man tits?

Will_He_Park_Her: We get to watch Jonathan Papelbon practice his riverdance?

Psycho_Ward: I finarry getta see the fierd named aftah me?

WallsComeTomlinDown: NO

WallsComeTomlinDown: It means we have to play our absolute best this week, get some hardnose defense, and move the ball on offense.

**ONLINE HOST** BlackSmith has entered the room.

BlackSmith: Aw no problem coach

BlackSmith: /relaxes

/sips pina colada

Will_He_Park_Her: pardon me but who in the living fuck are you?

BlackSmith: I can personally guarantee we gonna win this week

BlackSmith: tom brady aint nothin more than tha shitbag porter rican hooker regis philbin banged last tuesday

BlackSmith: an then we have randy moss, Im sure Ike can handle him personally

Psycho_Ward: yeah Ike can definitery hander him personarry

IkeAnHasCheezburger: Ill defend him the best I can

BlackSmith: hey no need to get ya bunions all up inna twirly, we gots this shit inna bag

WallsComeTomlinDown: Team, the LAST thing we want is to get a swelled head about this.

BlackSmith: Aw stick it up ya collapsed asshole coach I told you we got it covered

**ONLINE HOST** The Patriots have dismantled the Steelers 34-13.

BlackSmith: /continually fooled by play-action pass

BlackSmith: /gives up 4 touchdowns singlehandedly

Psycho_Ward: dood I tink we just got absorutery owned

BlackSmith: :-O

MossOMenos: hey dumbass I gotta special chrismas present fa ya

MossOMenos: o wait, first I gotta unwrap it

MossOMenos: /tah dah

How Tank Johnson Saved Christmas

2007-12-06T08:01:00.000-08:00

Christians have Santa, Jews have Hanukkah Joe...Does that mean Hines Ward gets New Year Wong?

-AKA

Photos link to player pages.

OffFieldIncident2: Hey chris whats kwanzaa timmy gettin u for tha holidays

OffFieldIncident: Whatchu think son

OffFieldIncident: Mah very own 24 packa sun chips

OffFieldIncident: Complete wit the dead 7-11 vendor I stole it from

OffFieldIncident2: lol I thought so

SuperManning_dat_ho: I AM FIGURING TO GET ONE OF THOSE
NEWFANGLED NINTENDO METHODS OF GAMING

SuperManning_dat_ho: I BELIEVE IT IS COMMONLY KNOWN AS THE WII

SuperManning_dat_ho: BECAUSE THEN I CAN DO SPONTANEOUS ARM MOVEMENTS THAT ACTUALLY RESULT IN SOMETHING

SuperManning_dat_ho: IT HAS A MOTION SENSOR INSTRUMENT FOR MY DELIGHT

JacksOff: hey bro santas gettin me my very own blow-up doll

JacksOff: the only problem is he confused my last blow-up doll with Bill Parcells

JacksOff: because they both blow up every 3 minutes

WordUpTO_me: o damn no wonder he needed all those anger management classes

**ONLINE HOST** CampbellsChunkyMcNabb has entered the chatroom.

CampbellsChunkyMcNabb: You know what I dont get

CampbellsChunkyMcNabb: why the hell they gotta call it BLACK friday

CampbellsChunkyMcNabb: like white friday dont gotta do shit

CampbellsChunkyMcNabb: just sit on its lazy privileged ass and make the black friday do all the work

CampbellsChunkyMcNabb: it just aint fair, its like they under more pressure to perform an shit

LittleWhiteLi: aw cummon man, dont ruin chrithtmaths for everyone

LittleWhiteLi: cant we jutht get along for oneth?

CampbellsChunkyMcNabb: and give in to the pulls of racist consumerism?!?!

CampbellsChunkyMcNabb: i dont THINK so son

LittleWhiteLi: /cries

LittleWhiteLi: boo hoo hoo you killed thanta

LittleWhiteLi: youre a bad bad perthon

**ONLINE HOST** TankTop has entered the chatroom.

TankTop: Aw shove it up ya bunghole McNabb n let the boy have his Christmas

TankTop: peace n happiness ta everyone

TankTop: uh and an M-44 fa me

WordUpTO_Me: getcha Christ-born ready

Forced Out

2007-12-02T18:56:00.000-08:00

The ending to the Ravens vs Patriots game was incredible, this was just outrageous. I also apologize in advance to our female readers if they are offended by old guys with boob fetishes.

-AKA

Photos link to player pages.

**ONLINE HOST** You have entered the Browns vs Cardinals chatroom.

RomeoWhereArtWinsRomeo: OK guys, this is it.

RomeoWhereArtWinsRomeo: We’re down 6, with 6 seconds left on the clock. Time for our “Last play on earth” hail mary pass. We NEED to win to stay in the playoff hunt.

ClevelandBrowns: Yes coach

RomeoWhereArtWinsRomeo: Now PROVE to me you won’t end up being the pansy-ass cucumber-stuffing pixies you normally are.

ClevelandBrowns: No problem, coach

RomeoWhereArtWinsRomeo: Then maybe I’ll stop looking like a basset hound in all of my buddy icons.

**ONLINE HOST** The Browns have taken the field.

DerekTV: hut hut

DerekTV: buttercup

DerekTV: Braylon Edwards watched 2girls1cup

DerekTV: HIKE

**ONLINE HOST** Meanwhile...

ManReferee: hey those Arizona Cardinal cheerleaders man

LadyCheerleader: woo woo goooooo cards!!!

ManReferee: like WOW

ManReferee2: I know man, like I should totally penalize them for unnecessary roughness to my scrotum

ManReferee: gross dude

ManReferee2: hey is there a game going on?

ManReferee: nah I doubt it, we’d see something

HornyDonkeysBrayLonger: /goes deep

CallMeButtersCauseImOnARolle: Dont even THINK about catching this

CallMeButtersCauseImOnARolle: /backflip

HornyDonkeysBrayLonger: aight

HornyDonkeysBrayLonger: /heisman trophy pose

LoseFastAndWinslow: /double covered

LoseFastAndWinslow: Hey buddy, OVA HERE

DerekTV: /throws long

LadyCheerleader: woo woo goooooo cards!!!

ManReferee: /entranced

**ONLINE HOST** DerekTV wants to directly connect.
**ONLINE HOST** DerekTV has directly connected.

DerekTV:

CallMeButtersCauseImOnARolle: /clearly forces LoseFastAndWinslow out of bounds in endzone

ManReferee: eh

ManReferee: incomplete?

LoseFastAndWinslow: WHAT THE HELL MAN

LoseFastAndWinslow: I HAVE HAFFA MIND TA GET CHRIS HENRY OVA HERE RITE NOW AND BUSTA CAP IN YO ASS

ManReferee: hey man calm down calm down its just a game

ManReferee: besides, have you ever seen silicone move so fast?

LadyCheerleader: /cheers

LoseFastAndWinslow: well no actually, I went to college in Miami

LoseFastAndWinslow: it was just 89-year-old women driving golf carts to retirement homes to pick up their deceased husbands

ManReferee: lol

ManReferee: no wonder the only thing youve ever scored is a touchdown

LadyCheerleader: /bounces

LadyCheerleader: /nip-slip

ManReferee: *ahem* after review, the ruling on the field stands

ManReferee: Those are indeed fake

ManReferee2: Now THATS what I call a force-out

Some Needed Motivation

2007-11-29T19:14:00.000-08:00

Who would win in a fight: Santa Claus or Al Davis?
Al Davis, because he'd get Bill Romanowski to fight for him.

-AKA

Photos link to player pages.

**ONLINE HOST** You have entered the Raiders Weekly Gameplan chatroom.

GeriALtric: Ok coacheszzz, here is our gameplan for the weekszzz.

GeriALtric: /snores

GeriALtric: As you know, we play on Sunday against the Tennessee Oilerszzz

YouveBeenKiffinTheNuts: Actually we’re playing the Broncos, the Oilers became the Titans about 10 years ago

GeriALtric: Quiet, you young whippersnapperszzz, I can’t hear myself think

GeriALtric: Our objective this week will be to throw the ball to Randy Mosszzz

GeriALtric: For a few touchdownszzzzzzzzzz

GeriALtric: /falls asleep

**ONLINE HOST** Two hours later…

YouveBeenKiffinTheNuts: er three questions here

YouveBeenKiffinTheNuts: One, should I wake him up?

YouveBeenKiffinTheNuts: Two, isn’t randy moss on the patriots now?

YouveBeenKiffinTheNuts: Three, shouldn't Mr. Davis have died about 30 years ago?

JamarcusRussellTerrier: yes coach, ABSOLUTELY right

YouveBeenKiffinTheNuts: Uh for which question?

JamarcusRussellTerrier: absolutely coach, 110% behind you here

JamarcusRussellTerrier: whatever you do, it won’t change our relationship one bit

YouveBeenKiffinTheNuts: What in the world is he on about? Has he been taking pot from Ricky Williams?

SappyRomanceNovel: no hes been groveling and sucking up to you all week so he can earn the starting job

YouveBeenKiffinTheNuts: Oh

SappyRomanceNovel: you might have to consider making him qb

SappyRomanceNovel: Daunte Culpepper just hasnt been himself lately

HotSalt_n_Culpepper: /scrambles out of pocket

HotSalt_n_Culpepper: /throws interception

SappyRomanceNovel: oh never mind i guess he has been himself

YouveBeenKiffinTheNuts: What in the hell am I gonna do?

GeriALtric: /wakes up

GeriALtric: Never fear, faithful Raiderszzz

GeriALtric: We have a commitment to excellencszzz

GeriALtric: All we need is some motivation for our playerszzz

GeriALtric: As you youngunszzz say, “I’ve got it covered”

Porterbello: im pretty sure that phrase was created in about 1873

GeriALtric: I have found someone to make you fellowszzz fiery and furiouszzz

GeriALtric: /passes out

/creates head-shaped indentation in table

YouveBeenKiffinTheNuts: Oh god, I wonder who the motivation is

Ert_Gallery: ooh ooh I hope it’s a hot playboy playmate for me to blow more of my first-round draft pick money on

Porterbello: nah its probably just a World War I pamphlet with drool on it

**ONLINE HOST** The earth has started quaking, playbooks have fallen off the table.

Porterbello: ok, im pretty sure my guess is wrong

**ONLINE HOST** The door to Raiders Headquarters has been blown wide open, leaving a 78-foot crack in the wall.

**ONLINE HOST** MyChemicalRomanowski has rumbled into the chatroom.

MyChemicalRomanowski: GROOOOAAAAARRRRRRRRR

MyChemicalRomanowski: /munches steroids

MyChemicalRomanowski: TERRY TATE SHALL BE A CREAMPUFF COMPARED TO ME

SappyRomanceNovel: EEK

SappyRomanceNovel: /inhales hamburger in fear

One Stronger Than The Safety He Played

2007-11-27T16:20:00.000-08:00

Even though The Sideline is meant to be funny, there are times when life is not so funny. We do not mean to offend anyone by this entry, just to enlighten the mood of a very somber event. We offer tribute to a fallen warrior, Sean Taylor. May he rest in peace.

-AKA and Ben

Photos link to player pages.

WhatSeanWeDoWithACrunkinTaylor: /passes on

**ONLINE HOST** You have entered the Hall O’ Deathlies chatroom.

WhatSeanWeDoWithACrunkinTaylor: where, where am I?

**ONLINE HOST** AIM is not responding.

WhatSeanWeDoWithACrunkinTaylor: well I may as well just sit here and wait

WhatSeanWeDoWithACrunkinTaylor: /interception

**ONLINE HOST** LetsGetReadyToDumble has entered the chatroom out of the mist.

LetsGetReadyToDumble: Sean, you wonderful wonderful boy, come walk with me.

WhatSeanWeDoWithACrunkinTaylor: er alright then

WhatSeanWeDoWithACrunkinTaylor: promise me you won’t make me see those pictures you took with Jeff Garcia

LetsGetReadyToDumble: Yes, don’t worry, my magic wand has already cleansed his chamber of secrets

WhatSeanWeDoWithACrunkinTaylor: oh god

WhatSeanWeDoWithACrunkinTaylor: too much info

LetsGetReadyToDumble: Anyway, you were a brave man. You gave up your life in sacrifice for the well-being of your family.

LetsGetReadyToDumble: You are not just a football player, you were a role-model.

LetsGetReadyToDumble: You turned around your life, and accepted responsibility.

LetsGetReadyToDumble: Many muggles would have just quit, you carried on.

LetsGetReadyToDumble: Your family is not the only one mourning.

LetsGetReadyToDumble: Hopefully we can all learn from your actions, Sean
Taylor.

LetsGetReadyToDumble: /fades into mist

**ONLINE HOST** LetsGetReadyToDumble has left the chatroom.

WhatSeanWeDoWithACrunkinTaylor: so where do I go now anyway?

**ONLINE HOST** You have entered Washington Redskins Heaven chatroom.

WhatSeanWeDoWithACrunkinTaylor: um I haven’t moved

**ONLINE HOST** Yes, you are in sort of a limbo.

**ONLINE HOST** The Redskins were never great or horrible, just sort of…mediocre.

**ONLINE HOST** You will float in mist for eternity unless they stop finishing 7-9 and trading 4th round draft picks for backup offensive linemen.

WhatSeanWeDoWithACrunkinTaylor: aw poop

WhatSeanWeDoWithACrunkinTaylor: I wish I was on the raiders

WhatSeanWeDoWithACrunkinTaylor: then I’d have god on my side, at least

**ONLINE HOST** FreemanAlmighty has entered the room.

FreemanAlmighty: CHECK MY BLACK HOLE BITCHEZZ

RIP Man

Not Another Henry!

2007-11-23T12:11:00.000-08:00

The last name "Henry" does not bode well in the NFL. What next, Anthony Henry taking steroids?

Travis Henry just makes me laugh.

-Ben

Photos link to player pages.

**ONLINE HOST** You have entered the NFL Penitentiary Chatroom.

Commish_Is_Wise: Alright, it's time for me to let you go

OffFieldIncident: damn son bout time I be outta this joint

OffFieldIncident: thereby meanin its time ta hit up mah joint

Commish_Is_Wise: Oh NO you don’t

Commish_Is_Wise: /slaps table enthusiastically

Commish_Is_Wise: Unless you want to end up in here for another six games

OffFieldIncident: damn man I aint even busted outta here yet and ya already on mah case

Commish_Is_Wise: Just get out of here!

OffFieldIncident: wait what

**ONLINE HOST** OffFieldIncident has been booted from the chatroom.

Commish_Is_Wise: Thank GOD

Commish_Is_Wise: /waves arms wildly in air

**ONLINE HOST** Two hours have passed by.

Commish_Is_Wise: It sure is quiet in here

Commish_Is_Wise: /sips non-alcoholic beer

Commish_Is_Wise: I can’t really win any more games of ro-sham-bo against myself

Commish_Is_Wise: Let’s see who I can find to take his place.

**ONLINE HOST** henry_the_horse has entered the chatroom.

henry_the_horse: so then the test results come back positive and i freak out

henry_the_horse: and im like damn you dont swallow after all

henry_the_horse: so i go up to Mr. Brady and say sorry bro but its not your baby after all

cumming_in_bundchens: /gets pregnant

henry_the_horse: woah when did i get here, where are my homies

Commish_Is_Wise: Perfect, another Henry

henry_the_horse: hey man why am i here, im not doing anything wrong

henry_the_horse: /abuses NFL substance policy

Commish_Is_Wise: Well, well, well, what do we have here?

henry_the_horse: no you dont underst-

Commish_Is_Wise: You’re third time, I see?

henry_the_horse: no no no no no its not like that at all

henry_the_horse: its only estrogen

Commish_Is_Wise: Why on EARTH

Commish_Is_Wise: /smacks table with forehead

Commish_Is_Wise: You know what? Don’t answer that, it doesn’t matter anyways. You’re coming with me.

henry_the_horse: but man you dont understand

henry_the_horse: im pregnant

Commish_Is_Wise: …

Commish_Is_Wise: …

Commish_Is_Wise: …

Commish_Is_Wise: …

Commish_Is_Wise: /swigs Corona

**ONLINE HOST** Commish_Is_Wise has left the chatroom.

henry_the_horse: hehe

henry_the_horse: now for step 2 in operation henry

henry_the_horse: /removes duplicator, adds strand of hair

Duplicator: /whirrs, beeps

**ONLINE HOST** The Duplicator has spat out OfMiceAndHenry!

OfMiceAndHenry: /does steroids

henry_the_horse: attaboy youre a quick learner

henry_the_horse: now go cover randy moss

OfMiceAndHenry: wh….what?

OfMiceAndHenry: thats impossible!

OfMiceAndHenry: /does more steroids

**ONLINE HOST** Meanwhile, during the Bengals game…

OffFieldIncident: /runs

OffFieldIncident: woah i just been duplicated again

OffFieldIncident: tight shit

OffFieldIncident: /stops running, catches ball

**ONLINE HOST** OffFieldIncident has scored a touchdown.

OffFieldIncident: cool

OffField Incident: what was i thinkin again

OffFieldIncident: oh ya hey antrel guess what

CallMeButtersCauseImOnARolle: what

OffFieldIncident: BITCH YOU GOIN BE DEADER THAN AL DAVIS IN THE MORNING

CallMeButtersCauseImOnARolle: thats highly unlikely

CallMeButtersCauseImOnARolle: /backflip

Priceless Peyton Talks

2007-11-21T09:45:00.000-08:00

Go eat some turducken.

-AKA

Photos link to player pages.

**ONLINE HOST** You have entered the Priceless Pep Talks chatroom.

TheFewTheProudTheMarinelli: Ok guys, this is it.

TheFewTheProudTheMarinelli: We've been preparing for this game all week.

TheFewTheProudTheMarinelli: Not only is our team at stake here, our TRADITION is at stake here.

DetroitLions: Yes coach

TheFewTheProudTheMarinelli: The Detroit Lions have been playing on thanksgiving since before Jon Gruden was in Pampers

TheFewTheProudTheMarinelli: It is a time-honored TRADITION.

TheFewTheProudTheMarinelli: All those Detroit greats of the past are looking to us to continue their legacy and win against Green Bay.

SouljaRoy: so basically barry sanders is sitting in front of his tv in his boxers yelling at us

TheFewTheProudTheMarinelli: It's time to grow up.

TheFewTheProudTheMarinelli: It's time to become men.

TheFewTheProudTheMarinelli: It's time to carry on... the TRADITION.

SouljaRoy: ok you can stop capitalizing the word tradition now

BallsOfFurrey: shut up hes on a roll

TheFewTheProudTheMarinelli: Are you ready to beat those (Fudge) Packers?!?!

DetroitLions: YEAH

TheFewTheProudTheMarinelli: Then go and prove your manhood!!!!

DetroitLions: GROOOAR

DetroitLions: /testosterone

**ONLINE HOST** SuperManning_Dat_Ho has entered the chatroom.

SuperManning_Dat_Ho: HEY THERE BIG GUY

SuperManning_Dat_Ho: I HEARD YOURE BUMMED ABOUT DRIVING A
MINIVAN

SuperManning_Dat_Ho: IS IT AT LEAST A TURBO-CHARGED SPORT MINIVAN?

TheFewTheProudTheMarinelli: Who the hell is this guy?

DetroitLions: /bewilderment

**ONLINE HOST** SuperManning_Dat_Ho has been booted from the chatroom.

TheFewTheProudTheMarinelli: Ok, so we have a duty to-

**ONLINE HOST** SuperManning_Dat_Ho has re-entered the chatroom.

SuperManning_Dat_Ho: HERES WHAT YOURE GONNA DO

SuperManning_Dat_Ho: PUT SOME FLAMES OR A FANCY DECAL ON IT OR SOMETHING

SuperManning_Dat_Ho: MAYBE A NUMBER 18 DECAL

SuperManning_Dat_Ho: YEAH YOURE FEELING ME

SouljaRoy: you know what coach i dont really feel like winning anymore

TheFewTheProudTheMarinelli: That's the true Detroit Lion spirit, son.

Scientific Progress Goes "Bong"

2007-11-19T14:17:00.000-08:00

So apparently it's not as hard as I thought to write sidelines one-handed.

This one goes out to any weed junkie who drags their friend into their car to drive while they get high, then their friend's clothes smell like shit and the wrong person gets busted by the sheriff. For not giving the sheriff any weed.

-AKA

Photos link to player pages.

**ONLINE HOST** You have entered the Miami Dolphins chatroom.

WhenLifeGivesYouCleo: hey man so I just got Guitar Hero 3 for my 360

AGinnAndAGinn: lol no way man how good are you

WhenLifeGivesYouCleo: well you know

WhenLifeGivesYouCleo: I hold my own on medium on “paint it black” by the rolling stones

AGinnAndAGinn: oh wow dude the best I can do is like a 13% on easy

WhenLifeGivesYouCleo: lol well thats cuz you play guitar hero like you play kickoff returns

WhenLifeGivesYouCleo: you see everything coming 5 seconds before they happen

WhenLifeGivesYouCleo: you played the solo for “number of the beast” when we were still on the chorus of “paranoid”

AGinnAndAGinn: HEY iron maiden owns black sabbath any day, I was improving the song

WhenLifeGivesYouCleo: /laughs innocently

WhenLifeGivesYouCleo: /drinks fanta

**ONLINE HOST** Reefer_Rick has entered the chat.

Reefer_Rick: Hey, kids

AGinnAndAGinn: …er, hey?

WhenLifeGivesYouCleo: DONT TALK TO HIM

WhenLifeGivesYouCleo: mommy always told me I shouldnt talk to strangers

WhenLifeGivesYouCleo: they could like, use us for sensual pleasure or something

AGinnAndAGinn: no dude youre thinking of steven jackson

Reefer_Rick: Have you kids heard of Marijuana? It’s a magical thing

Harold_and_Camar: Oh yea maing I thing I hurr that somewheres

Harold_and_Camar: Yea mi padre was like “ju wanna marry me?” and mi
mama say “Yea I wanna-marry-ju”

Harold_and_Camar: I don thing mi padres name was ana tho

Reefer_Rick: Lol you kids are more straight-edge than one of Bret Favre’s razors

Reefer_Rick: /hits bong

Reefer_Rick: ahhhhhh, that’s the stuff

Reefer_Rick: NFL-quality pot is some of the best shit on earth

AGinnAndAGinn: oh god wats that smell

AGinnAndAGinn: /covers nose

AGinnAndAGinn: that smells worse than Willis McGahee’s armpit

Reefer_Rick: ohhhhh relax man, nothing like a dose of earthy weed for the daily training regimen

Reefer_Rick: here, take a hit on the house

WhenLifeGivesYouCleo: DONT DO IT MAN

WhenLifeGivesYouCleo: mommyd never forgive us

AGinnAndAGinn: /takes hit

WhenLifeGivesYouCleo: wow youre stupider than Vince Young

AGinnAndAGinn: ohhh god im having visions

AGinnAndAGinn: this cant be real

AGinnAndAGinn: we’re actually WINNING a game

WhenLifeGivesYouCleo: hah wat a joker no were not

Reefer_Rick: hey man I told you that was some dope shit

**ONLINE HOST** WordUpTO_me has entered the room.

WordUpTO_me: getcha pot-corn ready

The Stephen Ghost-Kowski Challenge, Pt. 3

2007-11-17T14:12:00.000-08:00

I'd like to point out that the niners suck.

-Ben

Photos link to player pages.

AlpineBovine: Hey guys this is New England kicker Stephen Gostkowski with the third installment of our new gameshow.

AlpineBovine: Yessir, that's right. It's the...

CrappyGameShowMusic: /fanfare

AlpineBovine: Stephen Ghost-kowski challenge!!!

AlpineBovine: Here’s how you play ghost: 1 person says a letter, then I say another letter with a word in mind, and then you say one, and so on. The person who finishes a word loses!

AlpineBovine: Who's ready to start?

**ONLINE HOST** BloodAndGore has entered the chatroom.

BloodAndGore: hey bub we’s about to begin

AlpineBovine: /big sigh

AlpineBovine: Why do I always get stuck with the weekly losers?

**ONLINE HOST** SuperManning_dat_ho has entered the chatroom.

SuperManning_dat_ho: YOU HAVE FILLED MY BEATING HEART WITH THE SATISFACTION OF NOT BEING THE WORST THIS WEEK

AlpineBovine: Actually, you were. We just didn’t want you on the show back to back weeks.

SuperManning_dat_ho: GASPING

**ONLINEHOST** SuperManning_dat_ho has been booted from the chatroom.

BloodAndGore: man dat guys a loser, lets play this competitions

AlpineBovine: Well, let’s see if you can at least win at SOMETHING! You start.

BloodAndGore: R

AlpineBovine: E

BloodAndGore: that’s not a words man, looks like I be the winner

BloodAndGore: lol this shit was easier than my wunderlic test

AlpineBovine: UGH

AlpineBovine: HOW COME NO ONE KNOWS HOW TO PLAY THIS GAME???

BloodAndGore: hey woah there bros I know where you coming from

BloodAndGore: I gets told to run up the middle for 2 yard every plays

BloodAndGore: that not be helping anyone

AlpineBovine: What are you talking about?

BloodAndGore: /crashes up the middle for 2 yards on 3rd and 7

BloodAndGore: looks like you gotta punts for me nows ok thanks bud

AlpineBovine: Wow, and it’s truly amazing that you aren’t the worst team in
your division.

**ONLINE HOST** JacksOff has entered the chatroom.

JacksOff: hey bro dont be talking shit about my team

JacksOff: no longer do we suck

JacksOff: however i happen to know where to find some videos of whores that do suck

JacksOff: this weeks special at www. –

AlpineBovine: NO! STOP RIGHT THERE!

**ONLINE HOST** JacksOff has been booted from the chatroom.

AlpineBovine: I take that back, you are definitely not the worst team in your division.

BloodAndGore: yea well we's gonna find out week 11 wont us

BloodAndGore: /rumbles for 2 yards

Ow

2007-11-17T10:54:00.000-08:00

Hey guys, no sideline here, but I wanted to let people know that I fractured my wrist so I am out of action for a while. Hopefully Ben can take over and make a few while I'm gone, and we still have the archives on the right for you guys to chuckle and snort over. Sorry for the inconvenience.

--AKA

SuperManning_dat_ho: OH FACEPASTE THERE GOES THE PLEASURE OF HALF MY DAY. NOW I MUST CONTENT MYSELF WITH WATCHING A SURGICAL OPERATION.

SuperManning_dat_ho: ON SECOND THOUGHT MAYBE I'LL JUST WATCH PAINT DRY.