GTA IV: Randy Moss In A Car

There should be regulations on football players' extra-curricular activities. The "off field incidents" are making the sport a joke. What's next, T.O. taking a year off to make a rap CD? I fear for football. It's becoming way too much like the NBA. At least it makes a good story, though.

Let it be known that the day John Madden becomes a NASCAR announcer, my purpose in life will be complete.

-Ben

Photos link to player pages.

**Online Host** You have entered the New England Patriots off-season chatroom!



MossOMenos: man im sicka this i dont wanna wait until septembro to break my own record








MossOMenos: i cant stand guitar hero 3 anymore








MyFairBrady: hey hey randy watch this








MyFairBrady: /attempts to play “Through the Fire and Flames” on expert difficulty







MossOMenos: christ almighty hyphy ima need sumthin new to play






**Online Host** WilForkForWood has entered the room.



WilForkForWood: my turn to play just got back from EB games








WilForkForWood: /puts new CD into Xbox








MossOMenos: what in the name of my grandmas left nut is this crap








WilForkForWood: man havent you been payin attention, its grand theft auto 4 just came out







WilForkForWood: watch and learn








WilForkForWood: /approaches a pedestrian and pokes in the eye








MossOMenos: lemme in on this








MossOMenos: /grabs controller








MossOMenos: /drives like seven-year-old








MossOMenos: hey this is pretty fun








MossOMenos: /runs over police officer








MossOMenos: ima try this for a living






**Online Host** One month later…



MossOMenos: alright tony show me what ten million bucks an twenty strippers can do







AirlineStewartess: I’m ready Mr. Moss! Moss Motorsports is the best!








MossOMenos: call me randy or ima turn ya muffla into a spoila yadadamean








AirlineStewartess: Sorry Mr. Moss.






**Online Host** The race is about to begin!



CheckeredFlagGuy: 321go








AirlineStewartess: /accelerates









Madden09: Err, you take a left turn here…









Madden09: You take a left turn here…









Madden09: You take a left turn here…









Madden09: Hey, if you keep taking left turns, you’ll probably…









Madden09: You’ll probably…









Madden09: Be ok.








AirlineStewartess: Thanks, John.






**Online Host** AirlineStewartess has won the race!



MossOMenos: woohoo let’s celebrate






**Online Host** Moss Motorsports has been disqualified for spying on opposing drivers.




Get_In_Mah_Belichick: /hides periscope









MossOMenos: god damns coach i toldja boy ta stick that spyin shit outta tha way

The Thrilling Conquest Of Brett Favre

Without Brett Favre, John Madden would most likely be a straight man. And I'd be out of half my jokes.

-AKA

Photos link to player pages.

**ONLINE HOST** You have entered the Green Bay Packers chatroom.



AgeBeFarveBeauty: Ok children, who wants to hear a story from the old days?!





Taken4Grant_ed: Ooh ooh I do I do!





SexuAl_Harrisment: i want one!






Bubbalicious: BUBBA FRANKS






AgeBeFarveBeauty: Er sonny, does that mean yes?





Bubbalicious: BUBBA FRANKS







AgeBeFarveBeauty: I’ll take that as an “ok”




Bubbalicious: BUBBAAAAA






AgeBeFarveBeauty: Shut your piehole, I’m going to tell a story





AgeBeFarveBeauty: Donald, fetch me my dentures





Designated_Driver: /heaves vinegary substance vaguely resembling teeth






AgeBeFarveBeauty: /tweaks shoulder





AgeBeFarveBeauty: /plays anyway





AgeBeFarveBeauty: So I was once a young whippersnapper…





Taken4Grant_ed: What, like when jesus was in third grade?





AgeBeFarveBeauty: No interruptions!





AgeBeFarveBeauty: Damn you young kids with your disco music and war protest songs, always interrupting us disciplined old folks




AgeBeFarveBeauty: So anyways, I was a youngun…



**ONLINE HOST** You have entered circa 20000 B.C.




LandBeFarveTime: I was a fit young man with no injury problems







LandBeFarveTime: I was the strongest warrior in the viliage, I could bench press a 3000 pound woolly mammoth





SexuAl_Harrisment: lol so basically you hoisted warren sapp every day






AgeBeFarveBeauty: Shut it!






LandBeFarveTime: But there was trouble brewing…




**ONLINE HOST** MyChemicalRomanowski has crashed into the room.



MyChemicalRomanowski: GROOOOOOAAAR




MyChemicalRomanowski: I DEMAND A SACRIFICE




MyChemicalRomanowski: THREE OF YOUR PLUMPEST RAMS




Pacemaker: weak sauce





MyChemicalRomanowski: TWO CHOICEST MAIDENS, AND




MyChemicalRomanowski: AW SCREW ALL THE BIBLICAL SHIT




MyChemicalRomanowski: JUST GIMME A HEAD COACH




Bardi_Favors: eek someone save me





Bardi_Favors: /wins championship






LandBeFarveTime: Something had to be done, and I was just the man to do it







LandBeFarveTime: I could, after all, lift john madden after a buffet dinner




**ONLINE HOST** Madden08 has entered the room.




Madden08: You see, if you eat a large buffet dinner, you're probably






Madden08: probably






Madden08: going to gain some weight.



**ONLINE HOST** Madden08 has left the room.



AgeBeFavreBeauty: NOT the time John.







LandBeFarveTime: Anyway, I girded up my loins and hurried up my offense






MyChemicalRomanowski: IM WAITING




MyChemicalRomanowski: /munches steroids





LandBeFarveTime: Ok Mr. Romanowski, here’s your peace offering







LandBeFarveTime: /heaves loaded syringe






MyChemicalRomanowski: /anally injects




MyChemicalRomanowski: AHH THATS THE STUFF





LandBeFarveTime: Haha jokes on you, Mr. Romanowski







LandBeFarveTime: That syringe was loaded with Botox







LandBeFarveTime: I took it from some poor soul in Cleveland




**ONLINE HOST** RomeoWhereArtWinsRomeo has entered the room.




RomeoWhereArtWinsRomeo: Goddammit where are my cheek fatteners




**ONLINE HOST** RomeoWhereArtWinsRomeo has left the room.



MyChemicalRomanowski: /swells buttocks




MyChemicalRomanowski: CHRIST ALMIGHTY I LOOK LIKE J-LO


**ONLINE HOST** MyChemicalRomanowski has embarrassingly tiptoed out of the room.



AgeBeFarveBeauty: And so you have it, I saved the world from a terrible beast, and we went on to win the Super Bowl in 1996.





AgeBeFarveBeauty: Any comments?




**ONLINE HOST** Dead silence has filled the room.



Bubbalicious: BEWARE THA BUBBA TRUBBA