Cowboy Up

Terrell Owens has more emotion than any opera singer I've ever seen.

-AKA

Photos link to player pages.

NOTE: this means that if you don't know what a screen name means, click the player's photo!!! It takes you to a page with their name and stats on it, so you can get the joke and not look like a retard in front of your football friends.


**ONLINE HOST** You have entered the Dallas Cowboys Press Conference chatroom.


Media: Mr. Romo! Mr. Romo! Is it true you suck?





RomoSapien: NO!





Media: Mr. Romo! Mr. Romo! Doesn’t your name rhyme with homo?





RomoSapien: well yes but





Media: So therefore don’t you suck…cock?





RomoSapien: only jessica simpson's





RomoSapien: er





RomoSapien: ANYWAY, lets give a big hand to my main man all this season, Terrell Owens!


**ONLINE HOST** WordUpTO_me has entered the room.


WordUpTO_me: hey all yall crackalakin playa beatin newspaper honkle-donks





WordUpTO_me: TO’s just so





WordUpTO_me: so





WordUpTO_me: aw dammit man hes just so overcome





WordUpTO_me: /sobs





RomoSapien: its all my fault





RomoSapien: i threw the ball every play and went out with a stupid blonde chick





RomoSapien: im such a dumbass





WordUpTO_me: /blows nose





RomoSapien: /blows game





WordUpTO_me: this just aint fair man





WordUpTO_me: we worked harder than pacman jones in a strip club and now
lookit here




WordUpTO_me: we had nothin ta fear





WordUpTO_me: but the giants kick us in the rear





WordUpTO_me: were fuckin worse than any tampa bay buccaneer





RomoSapien: i should just look forward to next season and all the tidings of great joy it should bring us




RomoSapien: at least this was better than 2006



**ONLINE HOST** You have entered the 2006 Dallas Cowboys chatroom.


Parcell_Post: GODDAMMIT TERRELL STOP FLAUNTING YOUR JUNK AND CATCH THE DAMN BALL




Parcell_Post: MY GRANDMA RUNS BETTER ROUTES THAN YOU AND SHES LYING IN A COFFIN IN KENTUCKY




RomoSapien: er coach?





RomoSapien: /fumbles extra point





Parcell_Post: There, there, Tony, it’s ok, it’s ok. You want candy?





WordUpTO_me: i want candy





Parcell_Post: I WASN'T ASKING YOU





Parcell_Post: Tony, you need anything special, you let me know.





RomoSapien: no coach seriously, im fine





RomoSapien: /continuously throws interceptions





WordUpTO_me: hey coach i want





Parcell_Post: TERRELL STOP MAKING ME LOOK LIKE A CONSTIPATED WEASEL.




Parcell_Post: GO ABUSE A POM POM OR SOMETHING

Awards Ceremony

Sorry about not getting any sidelines up in the past week or so, life is getting slightly busier for me. Don't worry, you'll still get your dose of football satire and you'll still get to see Peyton Manning fall down a flight of stairs in a one-story building. Well, hopefully you will.

-AKA

Photos link to player pages.



Commish_Is_Wise: Ladies, gentlemen, and minions from ESPN Monday night football.



Commish_Is_Wise: I am here to present the season awards for the NFL.




Commish_Is_Wise: /pours Budweiser




Commish_Is_Wise: First, I would like to give the award for Offensive Player of the Year to…



Commish_Is_Wise: TOM BRADY, come on down!


**ONLINE HOST** MyFairBrady has entered the room.


MyFairBrady: Thank you thank you, I never saw this award coming





MyFairBrady: I can promise you this is a great honor and prestige, and I will treat it as such




MyFairBrady: /blows extra money on 50 corvettes and a victoria’s secret catalogue


**ONLINE HOST** MyFairBrady has left the room.


Commish_Is_Wise: Wonderful, wonderful.




Commish_Is_Wise: /chugs dos equis




Commish_Is_Wise: Next, I would like to award the NFL MVP to…




Commish_Is_Wise: Man, the suspense is killing me.




Commish_Is_Wise: /drinks bud light




Commish_Is_Wise: TOM BRADY


**ONLINE HOST** MyFairBrady has entered the room.


MyFairBrady: Thank you thank you, what a wonderful surprise!





AgeBeFavreBeauty: aw blisterin barnicles





MyFairBrady: I’d like to thank my wonderful wife, Giselle, for staying here and supporting me through all my hardship in this 16-0 season.




MyFairBrady: Life can be hard when you’re brutally mutilating opponents.





Cumming_in_Bundchens: thanks sweetie-punkin!





Cumming_in_Bundchens: /has baby





MossOMenos: hey man dont u dare fuggetabout this supportin cast





MossOMenos: /flaunts do rag



**ONLINE HOST** MyFairBrady has left the room.


Commish_Is_Wise: And now it comes time for me to present the last award for the day



Commish_Is_Wise: The winner of the NFL Defensive Rookie of the Year is…




Commish_Is_Wise: PATRICK WILLIS


**ONLINE HOST** MyFairBrady has entered the room.


MyFairBrady: Thank you thank you! I never saw it coming. I’m flattered.





MyFairBrady: It was a whole team effort.





MyFairBrady: Wait what



**ONLINE HOST** WhatchuTacklinBoutWillis has entered the room.


Commish_Is_Wise: Get your watery Miller Lite ass outta here Mr. Brady.




MyFairBrady: /hurls used periscope and battered spy papers against wall in disgust


**ONLINE HOST** MyFairBrady has been booted from the room.


WhatchuTacklinBoutWillis: you know what, it took hard work and determination, and Im glad I won this award




WhatchuTacklinBoutWillis: no bullshit, I made solid tackles—174 of them, and I got some sacks and forced a few fumbles




WhatchuTacklinBoutWillis: but my team still sucks the collective derriere of the patriots, we need serious help


**ONLINE HOST** Qwik_e_Martz has entered the room.


Qwik_e_Martz: WHOOPEE






Qwik_e_Martz: Have no fear, Magic Martz is here!






Qwik_e_Martz: /waves magic Rams playbook from 1999






Qwik_e_Martz: You used to have a scoff-ense, now you have…?






WhatchuTacklinBoutWillis: …an offense?





NolanKnowsTheTroubleIveSeen: Haha what a joker, this guy is brilliant.





WhatchuTacklinBoutWillis: uh no "offense" but that joke was worse than a miami dolphins team meeting





WhatchuTacklinBoutWillis: without cheerleaders